Difficult decisions

Year has passed.

As a person who is taking responsibility I have studies something. For example a thing that it is not useful to be brown-nose. Or that, if you have a situation where you gotta choose between very good and very-very good, and you have to say "no" to one, then this "no" has to come still boldly. And it doesn't matter at that time if anyone gets hurt or not.

How to make difficult decisions then?

Those people who make difficult decisions wisely, they live beautiful life. And I want that my everlasting life would be beautiful.

I have decided that if there is a conflict, then I still put my reputation into the game and say even with tears in eyes that there has been a person who has hurted me, but I still want to take responsibility, confess, ask forgiveness and forgive myselfe. I want to practice it in the next days to come.

I have decided that if there has to be done something on the name of God, I will still do it. Even if I am the only person in Estonia. In the rain, without partners or auditorium. That even then I will be doing what He says.

I have decided that if my leadership-style has to change, so that we could make a next step with our organization then I will change it. Even if it isn't favourable by all. And even if I do not like it.

Last year, same time, 21st september I decided to become spiritual leader in Estonia. God talked to me in the Czech mountains and I did go back to my homeland to lead our younger generation closer to Him.

And I am still joyful. Yes, it is difficult to be sometimes. But I am joyful. And I have peace.

Greta 26

My dear wife and our families precious mother Greta got year older. Now she is older than quatro-century. 26 years.

We are very honored of that day and age.

Till what time can I buy milk?

In Maxima, there are many interesting people, especially during mid-day. And as this maxima is in the midst of stone-houses, then there must be many interesting citizens. As interesting as me.

There was one drunk old man. Looked like santa, but drunk. Was joking there at 9 o'clock, money in his hands. I went to buy some drinks for children, he as you can guess, drinks for uncles.

Then he became frustrated. "Why cannot I buy drink!"

Ladies in their boxes started explaining that time is too little. You have to read the law from the door and wait at least hour to buy some alcohol. Uncle santa then starts walking around those small alleys that maxima has in it. He is trying to find something good.

"I will then buy milk... i will buy milk," he shouts to all, but actually to himself. "Where is this milk? Where is milk?"

As I pay for my drinks, I make my best smile that day. All this because Id like to see more people smiling around these block-houses. Walking out of the door this uncle makes me grin again. He shouts a question sincerely from himself and all: "But till what time can I buy the milk?"

Grandmom 77

Gods will, but without me

It is a strange thing to be confronted with a new type of temptation. Greta is now in studying surgeries, until afternoons. I am at home with Wilma, giving her the dream of young ladies lifetime - to spend her most valuable days of her life with father...

...but in a same time I am saying to hundrends if not thousands things "no". No to churchwork, no to para-churchwork. No to people. No to people I know and don´t know. I am like a castrated cat or pruned tree.

I was so happy that during last year God has used me so much all over Estonia. There are so many people who have found Christ, and so many churches have found new speed. I have had a chance to meet with tens of people, who I even couldn´t dream of meeting...

And I called that all "Gods will". You know, for a believer there is no other place to be, than His will. For us it is good, perfect and favourable. It is salvation for everyone. It is best place to be!

But now, during the first weeks of September, I am as if not bearing any fruit. Do not get me wrong, this is my own idea and decision. I believe that even now what I do, this is Gods will. And for me there is no other better place than being with Wilma.

Still, it is so difficult to leave behind so many things I was working on. And during that leaving, I do not know how will my fruits be used. It is so hard to trust my working-partners on a spiritual field, because many things still have my name on... there are so many decisions made behind my back. And so little discussing with me.

This is a school of humility. To be with home with a child, knowing that somewhere there is happening Gods will, but for me there is now place right now. My temptation is that my will has to be Gods will.

Oh, if anyone could understand poor me, the castrated one.

3 generations take the point

As you all know it doesn´t take much to lose the point of something. Same is in the family-trees. It doesn´t need much for grandchildren not to understand the tradition, but to smash it all and rather discover a new wheel.

"In what sense our grandfather was a pastor," some children may ask. "So what?"

Actually, you do not need more than 1 generation to lose most of the information. For example, one of my sisters struggeled for a long time with a reason of taking part of the communion. Everything is so serious and sad! She knew what to do... but had lost the reason "why" behind it.

Those who remember my past summer and the andventures with small Maya know that even toys can lose the real meaning, whole point. I saw on the floor old-type telephone, with circular numberplate. But she said no, "this isn´t any kind of phone, that is a dog!"

I would say that this is megachallenge. And I imagine that this 3 generation take-the-point can be fatal for not only in families and churches, but wherever. I wish we could have wisdom to reason to those small ones what are we really doing and why so.

In other case they start thinking that our legacy is bunch of dogs. But that is just not true.

Tree, ground and forest

Lets be honest, forests are so different and so are trees in them. Here in Western-Finland forests are stony and sharp. But as all the other forests, here are also some weak and small tree-children side-by-side with massive christmas trees.

I am friend of the nature and big time self-analyzer. And as I was pushing babycart, I thought of parallels between man-and-tree. After that, I took time to sit behind bible and see if these thoughts are reliable. Result was in three categories.

Every tree has a ground where to stick. This is a place where it gets its food, exists and gets into big nature conflicts.

Every tree is a one of a kind, whole life. This consists of the character that needs pruning, fruitfulness and of course, unique breed.

Every tree belongs to some type of forest. This is a place where it relates to others, meets unexpected dangers and takes care of offsprings.

Actually bible is talking all about that. How to be rooted... how to manage with myself... and what to do in a world. This is how my paperwork ended with 9 questions that also every blogpeeper can ask from him/herself.

Ground

1. How do you feed yourself in the Christ-ground (habits)?

2. Why do you exist?
3. In what way Gods hope (community) is endangered?

Tree

4. What has to re-new in you?
5. How much goodness-righteousness-truth (fruits) is around you?

6. Who are you in God?

Forest

7. What can you do around yourself?

8. What do you stay away conciously?

9. Who are you leading into future?

Märt and Mihkel are encouraging

Over the last season of my life I have met more and more young guys who are talking about their eagerness to go the foreign countries bibleschools or stay in place, but in the same way - learn God, officialy. Why is it so?

I have two theories:

1. There has been sudden increase of interest in that special group of people and this will be only good for Estonia.
2. It is just me who is more into that topic and circle of people than ever before and I really am noticing now spiritual interest on the root-level.

Both variants are good. And it is me (who is going to be father-at-home) and Mihkel (who is leading a lot in pentecostal movement and is also director of one bible-school) are encouraging: young brothers around our homeland, learn as much as you can! Your knowledge will be more precious than gold and more fatal than the traffic on our not-so-loved roads.

As I see, bible- and theologyschools are like our actors-school on Toompea (most important hill in our country), there is not so big interest for oldies! They are too built out, and it is hard to shape them on. But you are different!