It is a strange thing to be confronted with a new type of temptation. Greta is now in studying surgeries, until afternoons. I am at home with Wilma, giving her the dream of young ladies lifetime - to spend her most valuable days of her life with father......but in a same time I am saying to hundrends if not thousands things "no". No to churchwork, no to para-churchwork. No to people. No to people I know and don´t know. I am like a castrated cat or pruned tree.
I was so happy that during last year God has used me so much all over Estonia. There are so many people who have found Christ, and so many churches have found new speed. I have had a chance to meet with tens of people, who I even couldn´t dream of meeting...
And I called that all "Gods will". You know, for a believer there is no other place to be, than His will. For us it is good, perfect and favourable. It is salvation for everyone. It is best place to be!
But now, during the first weeks of September, I am as if not bearing any fruit. Do not get me wrong, this is my own idea and decision. I believe that even now what I do, this is Gods will. And for me there is no other better place than being with Wilma.
Still, it is so difficult to leave behind so many things I was working on. And during that leaving, I do not know how will my fruits be used. It is so hard to trust my working-partners on a spiritual field, because many things still have my name on... there are so many decisions made behind my back. And so little discussing with me.
This is a school of humility. To be with home with a child, knowing that somewhere there is happening Gods will, but for me there is now place right now. My temptation is that my will has to be Gods will.
Oh, if anyone could understand poor me, the castrated one.
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